My Secret Love

My love of writing developed early on in life – I guess I have always loved to write but I didn’t slow down long enough to realize it and really get involved. I took it for granted in my Law Enforcement career in that I was always writing some form of document, search warrant, daily activity logs and such but not until later on did I experiment around a little. I have written so many poems, notes, letters (many of which never to be seen), and I have always been very secretive about my writings. As a man I thought it to be a sign of weakness or something and I did not like the thought of people reading and falsely judging me on my inner most thoughts and feelings. I was still young enough to where I really didn’t know what my inner most thoughts should be or where they would take me.

When I write, I can say every little detail, I can translate any feeling that I want to and I can make sense of my own world. These things I cannot do verbally for some reason. When I speak, I get tongue tied, I get all twisted up and I lose my train of thought and end up way off base at a loss for words. Imagine that, me at a loss for words. In person, I am a reserved quiet guy who keeps most of my thoughts to myself. I rarely speak up unless I have to and even then, I “watch” what I say. Never one to be outspoken – unlike my Wife. She says what she feels and feels what she says. Wow – I wish I could be like that!

I have tried over the years to write a journal of some sort but I always ended up throwing it away or dismissing it for one reason or another. It was not until the last two years where I realized that  I was old enough to where I don’t care what other people think. I have a right to my own feelings and thoughts and whether it offends somebody or not is their problem. Now don’t get me wrong, I love people and I have always been a people person, always taking into account their feelings but just like them, I matter! I have earned my feelings and thoughts, I have paid my dues over the years and I have life experiences that have made me who I am today. I thank God every day that I am not the person that I used to be. I may not be where I want to be, but I am certainly not the person that I used to be.

more to come………


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