With Fear comes Respect …..

With Fear comes Respect

Admiration, fear, conformity, and love. Many of you do not believe this and for the most part will not accept it either.

Let me explain before you bash me. When you were young, do you remember “The Look” from your Mother or Father when you were about to do something bad or had just done something wrong? The look of “Oh  – No You Don’t” on their faces and then the feelings that welled up inside of you, the feelings of excitement and anticipation of what was to come, the feeling of misguided accomplishment that you had just done something that you had been taught not to do, the fear that followed?

We were taught from an early age the importance of authority and the need to follow the rules and the consequences that came from defiance. Once these ground rules were set early on, we learned quickly that you respected your parents fully without question.  Anyways, that is the way that I was raised. Sure I have done many things along the way that I am not proud of and ashamed of but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my parents had my back. Good, bad or indifferent. Right is Right and Wrong is Wrong. I knew that when I got “the look” and then I disobeyed, there would be consequences and I did not always know what those consequences would be. Sometimes, it was very lenient but other times, if I continued, the punishment was much worse.

I remember as a small child I had this stool that my dad had built for me so that I could climb up on at the sink and wash my hands and brush my teeth like a big boy. I loved my stool but not for those reasons. That stool helped me get into things that I could not normally reach on my own. I took that stool everywhere and used it daily. It caused my Mother so much grief and headache – always having to watch me and to see what I was getting into. She would watch me take my stool over to the fish tank and climb up – I would always look over at her first to see if she was looking – then I would get the look. As I reached for the fish in the tank, I remember her taking my hands and slapping them and scolding me with a firm “No”. I would get mad; she would take my stool and put it away. Not five minutes later, I had that stool back at the fish tank. My hands and my rear end would get tore up daily but eventually – I learned.

Fast forward to 2017, something is very wrong with this picture. There is no more Respect, there is no loyalty or support, and there is no more faith in the fellow-man. Everyone is living on the Conspiracy theory that everyone has ulterior motives and are only out for themselves. This sheer level of paranoia has spiraled way out of control when in reality – we just all want to be left alone to live our lives in peace. We want to walk out of our front door and smell the fragrances of spring, to hear the songbirds chirping, to hold the ones we love and share our lives with the ones we choose.

I come from a family of Fourth Generation Law Enforcement Officers. I was raised in a strict environment and rightly so, I was hardheaded. I had to be taught what to do and what not to do. In being raised that way, in turn I tried to raise my children the same. To love one another, to always provide help to others, to get along with others even if we didn’t always like that person.  We don’t hate anyone, we don’t turn our backs on others in need. Like I said – I was raised.

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I understand that times have changed and we can no longer leave our doors unlocked and let our children play from dusk to dawn outside unsupervised while we take care of our day-to-day chores and duties.  I also understand that we have abandoned God and lost all faith in one another. I understand that this Nation has become so divided that we no longer trust, we no longer have faith, hope nor love and we all are so deprived of a Mothers’ touch, a Fathers’ content, a friends’ acceptance – it has become all about “me”.

So, what do we fear? We fear loneliness, we fear not being accepted, we fear not being loved. We fear the unknown. Whatever your fear (and trust me we all have them), it is what drives us to respect ourselves enough to conform to this world. It is what drives us to love and be loved, to admire and be admired and it drives us to hope.

More now than ever, we need to re-learn to think beyond ourselves and to start thinking of others. We all want the same things in life. We are all equal and we are all children of God.  We need to be taught over and over again until we get it right. Our hands and our rear ends need to be tore up until we learn. Just because we are considered an “Adult” doesn’t mean we always act like it.

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Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.   Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

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Durham, Charlottesville – Hatred, Racism and YOU…..Part Two

Durham, Charlottesville – Hatred, Racism and YOU…..Part Two

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In the United States of America, we have so many different ethnic groups and by rights, we should embrace our heritage. I understand that the People of Color went through a period of Slavery, yes it was an awful time for their ANCESTORS! From the time I was about 10 years old, I have lived in the South. So by rights I am a Southerner. But does that make me a Racist – does that make me responsible for Slavery? Does that make me hate Black people? No it certainly does not! I choose to respect others, and love all people. And in my faith – as we all stand before The Judgement Seat of Christ – we are all one and the same – His children created in His image who must answer for our own actions – not the actions of our family members.

I have attended Black Churches, White Churches and the Preachers and Pastors all preach the same thing. Now I get it – I am but one person. I cannot and do not speak for all of the White people. But I can tell you this – there is just as many Racists in each Ethnic Group as the other. Skin Heads, Panthers, White Supremacists, Black Live Matter, White Lives Matter, Chicanos, and Latinos,

All People have some sort of Heritage that is associated with them. It should not define us as people. In this part of the world it is Southern Heritage.  Perceptions of the Confederate flag depend upon context. At a national cemetery or national battlefield it is seen in the historical context of the American Civil War. At popular re-enactments of that war’s events, or in films like “Gettysburg” or “Gone With the Wind”, it is seen in a theatrical context. In the television series “The Dukes of Hazzard” the flag on top of Duke boys car has been seen as a symbol of a non-racist Southern spirit by millions of viewers internationally. To those 70 million of us whose ancestors fought for the South, both Black AND White, it is a symbol of our family members who fought for what they thought was right in their time, and whose valor became legendary in military history. This is not nostalgia. It is our legacy. The current attacks on that legacy, 150 years after the event, are to us an insult that mends no fences nor builds any bridges.

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It is obvious that some racists have appropriated and desecrated the Confederate battle flag for their pathetic causes but we must never lose sight of our Heritage. As Christians we fly the Christian Cross – does that make us Racist? We as Americans fly the American Flag – does that make us Racist? So where does it start and where does it stop – It begins and Ends with You. You and only You can choose to love or hate. You choose to like and dislike, to hear or be heard. You choose to start or Stop. Where do you fit in?

North Carolina Gov. Roy Cooper issued a statement Tuesday calling for the removal of more Confederate monuments. He also said that “I don’t pretend to know what it’s like for a person of color to pass by one of these monuments and consider that those memorialized in stone and metal did not value my freedom or humanity,” he said. “Unlike an African-American father, I’ll never have to explain to my daughters why there exists an exalted monument for those who wished to keep her and her ancestors in chains.”

Furthermore, Cooper said that “he will also urge the legislature to defeat a bill that grants immunity from liability to motorists who strike protesters”. Really?? What the Hell are you thinking Roy Cooper? I mean that is a BS way of copping out. Talk about Not Standing up for what is Right. You are supposed to be our States Leader. Enforce the enforceable, defend what is right. Clearly, what these people are doing and have done is illegal. They should be arrested, charged and held responsible for their actions. Instead of bowing down and trying to be popular so that you may win another election, take the high road, do the right thing and do your job. These people need to realize that there should be a time in their life that they have to grow up. Realize we are not who we were 100 years ago and that the people of today have learned a thing or two over the years. I’m sorry if you are offended that I don’t like you – but wait – you don’t like me either – it’s just a fact of life. Get over it and get on with it! Try to rush my vehicle and beat me out of it and watch what happens – you will get run over. I’m not going to stop my car, let you break my windows and pull me out, beating me to near death – and neither would you Mr. Cooper! Our Government needs to quit being an “Enabler”.

Racism exists in every Ethnic Group in the USA. Red, Yellow, Black, Brown and White. It is not just something White people or Black people do. Sadly it is something that unites us. We share this in common. But again, shave off all of our skins and see if you can tell the difference.

Ok, so now if you have read all of my last two posts, I’m sure that you have already formed your own views and opinions about me – you probably think that I’m a racist, a hater, an activist. Well you would be sorely mistaken. I love Black People, I have Black people in my family. I love Mexican People, I have Mexican people in my family. I love White people, I am white. I love me and I love you! So what? If you peel off your skin and peel off my skin – we are just the same! We are people – we are the Human Race!

It is 2017 – don’t you think it’s time we all grow up and learn to get along. Yes we all have different views and opinions but this is exactly what Martin Luther King once preached about. Equality, Love, Understanding and Forgiveness. God Bless the USA and God Bless its People!….. which hey – includes YOU!

Peace Love and Understanding

A Little Girls Story….

A Little Girls Story……..

WARNING – First off I want to warn you that this post is very raw and may touch a nerve. Reader discretion is advised….. I really feel that this story needs to be told – if not for the child, then for other children or parents that may need to hear this – My heart breaks as I begin to write this – WARNING….

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As some of you may know, I have an older Brother and this story relates to him and his granddaughter. His youngest son was married to this girl and they had a daughter which is now 12 years old. In the beginning, this little girl was full of energy, beauty and pure innocence but at some point during their marriage, the son and the wife realized that they were very toxic for each other and decided that it would be in their best interest if they parted ways, They finally split up a few years ago and both have remarried now. The mother and the child moved in with her new husband and have lived in Henderson, NC for the past four or five years now- they even had a new baby together. During the course of the last few months, we (the family) have learned that the 12-year-old girl has been sexually molested and raped by her stepfather repeatedly for the past two years.

My brother had noticed that his granddaughter was acting out, the mother, who is less that anything fit to be called a mother, had been back and forth with the father of the child trying to pawn her off and get her to move in with him. The father, with a new baby himself and two other children said he had no room for the oldest daughter. After some time, my Brother and his wife took the 12-year-old child in to live with them and that’s when “Pawpaw Bill” found out what was really going on. The child complained of pain, sickness, was acting out and just plain disrespectful at times. My brother told me that the child asked him one day about keeping her safe from the nightmares and bad things which triggered him into further questioning the child. That’s when the child came out and told him of the horrors that had been going on. The child reported that the stepfather would come into her room and make her touch him, kiss him, and he forced her to let him touch her. The child described in detail of the stepfathers’ anatomy and distinctive marks. We also learned that the mother of the child was in the home when some of these things were going on.

Can you imagine the awful feelings that this child had knowing that something this terrible was happening to her and that her own mother was in the next room and not being able to say anything.  The psychological torment, torture and terror that she had to experience without someone to talk or to tell would be unbearable. Upon reflection, I feel the rage building up again for the pain that she has gone through but at the same time, I feel the joy that she must have had when she was moved out of that situation and put in a safe place. About three weeks ago, my brother brought her to my house for a quick visit and I have to say that she looked amazing. It had been quite some time since I had seen her last and she came up to me and said – “do I remember you?” I reassured her yes sweetie and gave her a big hug and she immediately felt at ease. She then turned to her Pawpaw Bill and said, “can I go play now?” which of course just thrilled her and you could see the happiness was starting to come back while she was playing with my daughter and some other kids that were over for the day.

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Fast forward to this past week, my Brother called and told me that Joe had been arrested this past Saturday in Henderson and that his wife was yelling at the police and was trying to get them to let him go. Apparently she is on his side and believes that he is innocent. Even after Physical Examination by a Doctor and verified that she had been assaulted and raped over an extended period of time. Even after Police Investigations and interviews with the child, this “mother” remains by his side while the child is left thinking that this is somehow her fault and that her mother doesn’t believe her or even love her.

During the investigations, it seems that Joe, the stepfather, was “having his way” with the child and performing sodomy, fellatio and even full penetration and rape of the child over the course of two years. Multiple times this child had to endure pain, anguish and terror inflicted by another human being that was supposed to be in charge of, taking care of and providing for her. A person who she should be able to feel safe with and depend on in a positive way – one to always keep her safe – yet he is the one that she had to fear the most. On top of it all, she felt that she could not tell anyone, especially her own mother who lived in the same house.

There are so many circumstances to this sad story and so many questions that cannot be answered like, why didn’t she tell her father or her Pawpaw?, why didn’t she just tell a teacher? Why didn’t her dad pick up on the fact that something was wrong? Why did it take so long for someone to realize that this child was not the same as before. I can tell you a factor or two in it all and that is that the child was used as a pawn between several people to get their way, there wasn’t enough parental involvement in the day-to-day activities with this child. There wasn’t enough love in the homes between her dad and her mother and there was never any home training for the child. She simply didn’t know what to do. She had no guidance in her life and was allowed to do whatever she wanted until it finally broke her in such a way that will affect the rest of her life.

She will forever be different now and in many ways changed for the worse. As far as trusting, loving, or enjoying another person or even becoming a mother herself one day (if that is even possible after what she has endured), will not be an easy task for her and may lead her to a life of depression, eating disorders, self-harm or even suicide…..the list goes on. Without the proper nurturing, guidance, love and support, she will have a very rough and troublesome life and I fully blame the parents. I blame the parents for allowing the innocence of this sweet young child to be taken away. I blame the parents for not “raising” up this child in a positive environment and keeping her safe at all costs over their own wants or needs.

So now, this creature has been arrested and is being held with no bond in the Vance County Jail awaiting court appearances and undoubtedly a bond reduction hearing. If I know the Court System like I used to, this scum will be out in a matter of days and surely they (the mother included) will try to strong-arm and influence the child in some way. Now I have talked with my brother about Lawyers, Domestic Violence Protection Orders and even a Guardian Ad Litem but apparently the District Attorney’s Office and or the Vance County Clerk of Court cannot agree on what steps to take next so I fear that this child may be on her own. My brother has vowed to be her guardian and protector and to do his very best to save her from what is to come. I truly hope that she finds some form of peace within and that her Perpetrator is adequately punished.

My take away on this whole ordeal is that……. I want parents and guardians to know that this type of crime happens every day to men, women, and children.  You never know what someone is going through but we always need to be vigilant and look for the signs – to always be there to lend an ear or a heart to someone who may be in need of help. I want the children to know that it is not their fault. They did not do anything wrong and it is not ok for people to do these things to them.

This type of crime happens in all classes of families from the richest to the poorest, from the south to the north – in the Country and in the City. Evil is in our nature but God gave us the choice and the Will to do the right thing.

What if it were your 12-year-old Daughter??

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In My Minds Eye…..

In my minds eye ………………

I can see a long shiny black train heading down the tracks with its white smoke bellowing from the stack making that familiar Clickety Clack, Clickety Clack that has rung through my imagination for almost 30 years now. I can smell the grease and oil and I can imagine just what the coal might smell like as it’s being burned in the belly of that massive Engine to give it life. I can see my Grandfather in his dress blues with his gold chain looped from his watch pocket, hanging off the back of the Caboose, a gold lantern in hand, waving it back and forth signaling ahead. The smile across my grandfathers lips widen and seems to brighten as the train draws nearer. I can hear the screech of the wheels and the pistons whistling as the brakes start to engage. As the train pulls closer into the yard there seems to be just the outline of the Depot with huge pillows of white clouds surrounding it. The old depot with its wooden porch and heavily worn walkway, where I can see my Grandmother waiting patiently wearing her bright white nurse’s uniform with her little white hat sitting just so perfect on her head and her little white shoes polished just right. As the train approaches and slowly enters the canopy of the Depot I see Jam as he looks into my Grandmothers eyes and says “Wimpy, I’m home”. . . . . . . .

 

Written on May 26, 2006 for my Grandparents, Mary Alice Collins Groves and Samuel Jack Groves Jr, after their passing. My Grandmother had worked as an RN for most of her life and my Grandfather worked and retired from the railroad as did his father before him.