The New Bed

The New Bed

loft bed

Ever since I got out of Law Enforcement in 2005, I have made it my goal to always be there for my children and I can brag a bit and say that I have accomplished just that. Every time they want or need, I am there for them. I am involved in their lives on a daily basis and I wouldn’t want it any other way. At the end of the day, I don’t have to ask myself, “I wonder what my kids have been up to”. I have long said that, “If you want to know what your kids are doing, get involved”. After all, it is YOUR job to raise them – not someone else’s. They cannot be left to figure life out on their own without some sort of guidance.

When I was in Law Enforcement, I worked a lot and was gone most of the time and I missed my oldest son growing up.  I know – I know, my fault and my choice, not someone else’s! I was young and life was all about me at the time. I missed ball games, school functions, family dinners, yeah I was a real looser as a parent and a husband – But I was great at my Job. I think that was the only thing that I took seriously back then. Late nights, Badge Bunnies, loneliness and a desire to feel more and more love and companionship overwhelmed me and after 15 years of working, being gone and fighting with my wife, we divorced soon thereafter and parted ways – What I didn’t expect was to lose my son in the process. I made this bed and now I had to lay in it.

I remarried shortly after when I found my Sandy – Sandy was just what I needed to teach me what life, love and family was all about. She had me – hook, line and sinker from the get-go and it seemed as if I had no control as to how far and how fast our relationship progressed. We were destined to be together and nothing was going to stop us. We even tried calling it off a couple of times in the beginning but that never worked out. We just couldn’t walk away from each other and our love seemed to be on fire from the very start. From the very start – I knew I wanted that kind of life and I knew that I had a lot of repairing and changing to do within myself – and my son. Then we had Ivy and my life changed dramatically!

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To date for the past 14 years, I have been there – I have been to every one of my daughters Softball games and Volleyball games and even helped coach some. I pick her up from school, I ask her each day how her day was and I tell her that I love her more than 20 times a day it seems.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love my boys! I am just as involved with them and they know that I love them but there is something about that little girl and the way she says “I love you Daddy” that just makes me turn into Jell-O. She has me that’s for sure and she knows it too. Good, bad or indifferent, she has me and being the baby (just as I was), seems to get her a free pass on some things or at least more leniency. It drives my boys and my wife crazy. I know I spoil her but she doesn’t act like an “entitled little brat” either. She knows her limitations and just how far to push.

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So I have said all that to set the stage for my story – Yesterday, my 13 year old “little girl” – asked me to design and build her a new adult sized loft bed. You know the kind with a couch or seating area underneath.  Something a little more sophisticated for a growing young woman. WAIT – WHAT – MY Little Girl is Growing Up???  My heart kinda swelled and then broke a little at the same time. Of course I was honored when she asked me to build her a new loft bed and I have always been handy when it comes to working with wood, in fact, it is my hobby and I love to build things.

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So I spent the latter part of last night looking up loft bed plans and trying to design a suitable living/sleeping area for my daughter – something that would reflect the love that I have for her and the pleasure that I felt in being able to make her something that she would enjoy and be proud of. My mind is racing at the prospects and I am still looking for that perfect plan but I will be starting this project soon. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I get it all set up. I think I am more excited than she is.

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A Little Girls Story….

A Little Girls Story……..

WARNING – First off I want to warn you that this post is very raw and may touch a nerve. Reader discretion is advised….. I really feel that this story needs to be told – if not for the child, then for other children or parents that may need to hear this – My heart breaks as I begin to write this – WARNING….

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As some of you may know, I have an older Brother and this story relates to him and his granddaughter. His youngest son was married to this girl and they had a daughter which is now 12 years old. In the beginning, this little girl was full of energy, beauty and pure innocence but at some point during their marriage, the son and the wife realized that they were very toxic for each other and decided that it would be in their best interest if they parted ways, They finally split up a few years ago and both have remarried now. The mother and the child moved in with her new husband and have lived in Henderson, NC for the past four or five years now- they even had a new baby together. During the course of the last few months, we (the family) have learned that the 12-year-old girl has been sexually molested and raped by her stepfather repeatedly for the past two years.

My brother had noticed that his granddaughter was acting out, the mother, who is less that anything fit to be called a mother, had been back and forth with the father of the child trying to pawn her off and get her to move in with him. The father, with a new baby himself and two other children said he had no room for the oldest daughter. After some time, my Brother and his wife took the 12-year-old child in to live with them and that’s when “Pawpaw Bill” found out what was really going on. The child complained of pain, sickness, was acting out and just plain disrespectful at times. My brother told me that the child asked him one day about keeping her safe from the nightmares and bad things which triggered him into further questioning the child. That’s when the child came out and told him of the horrors that had been going on. The child reported that the stepfather would come into her room and make her touch him, kiss him, and he forced her to let him touch her. The child described in detail of the stepfathers’ anatomy and distinctive marks. We also learned that the mother of the child was in the home when some of these things were going on.

Can you imagine the awful feelings that this child had knowing that something this terrible was happening to her and that her own mother was in the next room and not being able to say anything.  The psychological torment, torture and terror that she had to experience without someone to talk or to tell would be unbearable. Upon reflection, I feel the rage building up again for the pain that she has gone through but at the same time, I feel the joy that she must have had when she was moved out of that situation and put in a safe place. About three weeks ago, my brother brought her to my house for a quick visit and I have to say that she looked amazing. It had been quite some time since I had seen her last and she came up to me and said – “do I remember you?” I reassured her yes sweetie and gave her a big hug and she immediately felt at ease. She then turned to her Pawpaw Bill and said, “can I go play now?” which of course just thrilled her and you could see the happiness was starting to come back while she was playing with my daughter and some other kids that were over for the day.

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Fast forward to this past week, my Brother called and told me that Joe had been arrested this past Saturday in Henderson and that his wife was yelling at the police and was trying to get them to let him go. Apparently she is on his side and believes that he is innocent. Even after Physical Examination by a Doctor and verified that she had been assaulted and raped over an extended period of time. Even after Police Investigations and interviews with the child, this “mother” remains by his side while the child is left thinking that this is somehow her fault and that her mother doesn’t believe her or even love her.

During the investigations, it seems that Joe, the stepfather, was “having his way” with the child and performing sodomy, fellatio and even full penetration and rape of the child over the course of two years. Multiple times this child had to endure pain, anguish and terror inflicted by another human being that was supposed to be in charge of, taking care of and providing for her. A person who she should be able to feel safe with and depend on in a positive way – one to always keep her safe – yet he is the one that she had to fear the most. On top of it all, she felt that she could not tell anyone, especially her own mother who lived in the same house.

There are so many circumstances to this sad story and so many questions that cannot be answered like, why didn’t she tell her father or her Pawpaw?, why didn’t she just tell a teacher? Why didn’t her dad pick up on the fact that something was wrong? Why did it take so long for someone to realize that this child was not the same as before. I can tell you a factor or two in it all and that is that the child was used as a pawn between several people to get their way, there wasn’t enough parental involvement in the day-to-day activities with this child. There wasn’t enough love in the homes between her dad and her mother and there was never any home training for the child. She simply didn’t know what to do. She had no guidance in her life and was allowed to do whatever she wanted until it finally broke her in such a way that will affect the rest of her life.

She will forever be different now and in many ways changed for the worse. As far as trusting, loving, or enjoying another person or even becoming a mother herself one day (if that is even possible after what she has endured), will not be an easy task for her and may lead her to a life of depression, eating disorders, self-harm or even suicide…..the list goes on. Without the proper nurturing, guidance, love and support, she will have a very rough and troublesome life and I fully blame the parents. I blame the parents for allowing the innocence of this sweet young child to be taken away. I blame the parents for not “raising” up this child in a positive environment and keeping her safe at all costs over their own wants or needs.

So now, this creature has been arrested and is being held with no bond in the Vance County Jail awaiting court appearances and undoubtedly a bond reduction hearing. If I know the Court System like I used to, this scum will be out in a matter of days and surely they (the mother included) will try to strong-arm and influence the child in some way. Now I have talked with my brother about Lawyers, Domestic Violence Protection Orders and even a Guardian Ad Litem but apparently the District Attorney’s Office and or the Vance County Clerk of Court cannot agree on what steps to take next so I fear that this child may be on her own. My brother has vowed to be her guardian and protector and to do his very best to save her from what is to come. I truly hope that she finds some form of peace within and that her Perpetrator is adequately punished.

My take away on this whole ordeal is that……. I want parents and guardians to know that this type of crime happens every day to men, women, and children.  You never know what someone is going through but we always need to be vigilant and look for the signs – to always be there to lend an ear or a heart to someone who may be in need of help. I want the children to know that it is not their fault. They did not do anything wrong and it is not ok for people to do these things to them.

This type of crime happens in all classes of families from the richest to the poorest, from the south to the north – in the Country and in the City. Evil is in our nature but God gave us the choice and the Will to do the right thing.

What if it were your 12-year-old Daughter??

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Almost Famous Quotes …..

Almost Famous Quotes:

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I went searching the other day and found some very interesting and almost Famous Quotes to live by and, as life would have it – they still ring true today.  Whether you call it Food for Thought, Famous Quotes, Wisdom of the Wise or some other adjective – you will be sure to take away something just for you and your life.

Enjoy…..

Provide for yourself first and then share what you have.

Not on our soil, Not on our lands, Not in our homes and Not to our families!

I’m not saying don’t give refuge, but I am saying that you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anybody else!

Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away

NOBODY can hurt ME without MY Permission!!!

Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a Big Difference!

As you think – so shall you become!

Don’t waste time because time is what Life is made of……

The Stiffest Tree is easily cracked but the Bamboo survives by bending with the wind!

Learn to Hold instead of to be held.

When your Mom asks “Do I look stupid” – it’s best not to answer!

When you complain about doing the dishes – you usually get stuck doing them more often!

It’s funny how God uses simple people to do great things!

When people say that Life is Hard – I always want to ask – Compared to what??

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It’s never too late to say you’re sorry!

IF you want to change the World – Start in your own Backyard! – Tug

You’ll always get a Zit on important days.

You never know how loud you are until you have to be quiet

Being a good friend is like peeing on yourself – everyone can see it but only you get the warm feeling it brings!

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit – Wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad!

larry

Going to Church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car!

One match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire.

 

And finally for my Wife – IF I could choose between loving you and breathing,  I would use my last breath to say I LOVE YOU

indian love

EUREKA!!!!! I have found my Inspiration –

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Eureka!!! – I have found my inspiration – A worthy cause to invest my time and energy in.

As I sat here earlier forcing myself to think of something to write about, when I received a phone call from my “Significant Other” (I stopped calling her my Wife and decided to call her anything else but that. A Wife holds too much responsibility and represents the Un-fun mundane responsibilities of being an Adult so I call her my Girlfriend, My Lover, My Soulmate, My Best Friend, My Significant Other, etc.).  (I guess that needs to be for a later post).

Coming Soon

Anyway, back to the phone call – We started discussing finances, and how much it was going to cost to enroll our Daughter back in Travel Volleyball this season (I guess my Wife did call after all – LOL).  We spoke about whether or not Sandy would be coaching again this year or would she want to hand that off to someone else.  We discussed the long distance travel back and forth to other areas to compete, train and practice. We went over the logistics, finances, time and energy that would need to be spent to achieve all of this – then it hit me.

Instead of going to another county and joining their Volleyball Team, why don’t we just start our own Volleyball League here in Warren County! Surely there will be enough support from the Youth. After all, they have only had 2 years of County Rec. Volleyball established here and there have been good turnouts for those despite the fact that most Rec. Leagues are just beginner stages anyways. It would give them something to aspire to and put forth some real effort and talent in. Heck, I can even get some sponsors to help put in a double Volleyball Court at the Rec. Center – shouldn’t be an issue!!!  I thought.

Sure the cost would still be there but isn’t this what we have been talking about for so long – our family credo – “If you want to change the world – start in your own back yard”!  I told Sandy what I wanted to do and she did the Wifely thing and said – “No – you would not get the support from the families in this rural area for such a costly undertaking”.  We happen to live in one of the poorest counties in North Carolina by the way. I understand all of this but our children in this county deserve something fun and worth while to invest their time in and the Parents (at least the ones who are involved with what their children are doing) will support their dreams and ambitions – Just my opinion.

Invest

So off I go …………………

Step one – send out “feelers” for those who would be interested in creating and joining a Travel Volleyball Club.

Step two – Get the Sponsors and the Funding for the Equipment.

Step three – Duuuhhhhhhhh…………………………….

Ok so maybe I should give this some more thought and come up with a really good plan of action. Hey – wait – organize a “Call to Action”! I need more people involved – I need more thoughts on this and I need my “Wife” to help guide me  J  Hmmmmm     (Oh how she is going to love this………..). I will let you know how that turns out later  LOL.

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